Difference between revisions of "User talk:JohnnyLurg"

Revision as of 15:53, August 27, 2010

To Max

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the YTMND 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of watching as well as creating YTMNDs along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

It doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the audience which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on YTMND. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On my last 3 YTMNDs, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Taurus with Aries moon, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a son who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person he meets because everyone is good and will do him no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Vermicelli becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death troll that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy. Johnny Simon Lurg

Maldonado and Dathan, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Maldonado, for Vermicelli. For his life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!